Is There Any Point In Getting To Know Andy Burnham?
Authored by Joanna Gray via DailySceptic.org,
The best way to approach Andy Burnham, our new Prime Minister-in-waiting, is like the latest girlfriend of a desirable but emotionally damaged philanderer.
We should be polite but there’s no real point in spending too much time getting to know her, because she’ll be replaced with a new model in a matter of months.
Let’s call this philandering gentleman Mr Great Britain. He’s the dashingly handsome lothario with daddy issues (in this case loss of Empire). We all know the type: the rakish uncle who’s still smoking at Christenings. He’s a sort of Hugh Grant chap with emotional baggage who can’t resist flirting with everyone, from the great aunt to the minx who’s just finished her A-Levels and all the waitresses. In spite of his obvious flaws (the NHS, insane energy and welfare policies), Mr Great Britain is still a deeply desirable thoroughbred with excellent breeding, ancestry, land and property. The problem is, he just keeps hooking up with all the wrong girls.
Mr Great Britain’s ancestors have made some outstandingly successful marriages that have expanded and solidified the family fortunes (Pitt, Disraeli, Liverpool, Salisbury, Baldwin, Thatcher). Sadly our current Mr Great Britain, when a young man, got into bed with a certain Anthony Blair who, as Mr Great Britain sobs into his drink with his next hook up: completely broke his heart. “I thought she was the one,” Mr Great Britain cries, “She had everything a young man could want: an ability to smile, a catchy slogan. But it turns out she was an absolute cow. She made me go to war and changed all the funny institutions in the old manor.”
Add this early heart break to his loss of Empire daddy issues, and poor old Mr Great Britain doesn’t know whom to settle down with. He flails around from one type of woman to another thinking they will solve his problems. In a pique of revenge, he seduced Anthony Blair’s severe best friend Gordon. Friends hoped Gordon would steady Mr GB, but instead she just shouted at everyone and sold the family gold. Thankfully this relationship didn’t last long and people were delighted when Mr Great Britain brought home the elegant Dave Cameron. She was just the right sort, a handsome filly with breeding and a pretty face. Alas like many willowy Sloanes, Dave turned out to be a sopping wet drip.
Time was ticking on and Mr Great Britain turned his wandering eye to a rather forgettable older woman who had an improbable interest in shoes. This petered out when Mr Great Britain remembered his deep seated predilection for fun times. He dumped Theresa and leaped into the willing arms of good time girl Boris Johnson. A knockout blonde who’d been round the block with plenty of other chaps, Boris was surely the girl to revive Mr Great Britain’s vim and vigour. Alas there was nothing more to her than her hair. Boris failed in all fundamental aspects of family care: she locked up the children, spaffed the family money and invited millions of people over to the family estate. She had to go.
Things then took a turn for the worse for poor old Mr Great Britain. He had the audacity to bring another ridiculous blonde to his grandmother’s funeral. She had a strange way of talking and everyone was convinced Liz was quite mad.
He then went through his exotic phase and a dated a small polite woman of Indian extraction who did lovely things with candles at Diwali but wasn’t at all suited to the English rain.
Most recently Mr Great Britain has dumped his latest squeeze, a rather terrifying lawyer who bored everyone to tears.
Rumour has it that Mr Great Britain is in the early stages of a relationship with a Northern Woman called Andy.
She has a Northern accent so might be good with the staff but is unlikely to stick.
Friends of Mr Great Britain know that time is running out.
He’s getting a bit too old and craggy and will soon go entirely to seed unless a good woman grips him. Again, we all know the type: the gorgeous stud who finally settles down at the age of 52 with a charming and competent wife. She solves his daddy issues and gives him a sense of belonging and purpose. They create a wonderful family home and have a quiverful of children. We also know the other type: the gorgeous stud who continues dating a series of inappropriate women well into his dotage. Whenever there’s a social event, we old friends think: who will the old rogue bring this time? Shall we bother to get to know her? Oh dear, we mutter, he’s looking shabbier and shabbier; it’s too late, no-one will want him now, he’s entirely broke, lost his estate as well as his looks.
Which path will our Mr Great Britain take? For now, I wouldn’t waste too much time in getting to know the new northern lass. She’ll be gone in a matter of months. Will the next honey be another embarrassing disaster or the one who sets Mr GB on the right path to fulfil his neglected potential? If I were a matchmaker, my wife of choice for Mr Great Britain would be that lovely Christian woman Danny whose mother is a tremendous cook.
Badenoch blasts 'moaning' female Labour MPs over Burnham jobs 'quota'
Kemi Badenoch has told Labour women to earn a job in Andy Burnham's Cabinet instead of demanding they are handed jobs because of their gender.
The Tory leader lashed out today amid reports that female MPs are demanding the de-facto new prime minister introduce a 50:50 gender split 'quota' in his government.
Amid reports that former foreign secretary David Miliband is being lined up to return to the role, possibly with his brother Ed as Chancellor, one female minister also complained that Burnham could not have 'more Milibands than women' in the top posts.
But in a scathing article in the Times today Mrs Badenoch told them to 'stop moaning' and get chosen on merit instead of retreating into 'more of the failed identity politics that is holding back our country'.
'There are many, many reasons why you shouldn't have any Milibands in the cabinet,' she said.
'But complaining that the boys haven't given them the right jobs or that the boys are taking all the jobs, just shows that Labour's women still don't get it.'
The idea of quotas was also attacked by Baroness Jacqui Smith, Labour's Skills Minister.
Asked by Times Radio if Mr Burnham should reserve jobs for women, she said: 'No, I think what Andy Burnham should be doing is building the very best team around him to change this country.'
A letter written by the Women's Parliamentary Labour Party has called on Mr Burnham to ensure a 50:50 split between men and women in government jobs
Amid reports that former foreign secretary David Miliband (above, right, in 2010) is being lined up to return to the role, possibly with his brother Ed as Chancellor, one female minister complained that Burnham could not have 'more Milibands than women' in the top posts
But Mrs Badenoch told them to pipe down and get chosen on merit instead of retreating into 'more of the failed identity politics that is holding back our country'
A letter written by the Women's Parliamentary Labour Party and seen by the BBC has called on Mr Burnham to ensure a 50:50 split between men and women in government jobs after he succeeds Sir Keir Starmer.
'We are asking you to demonstrate this change from day one and address the toxicity and misogyny within our own party and government,' it said.
Labour has never had a female leader, while the Conservatives have had three, and Mrs Badenoch urged the government to follow its meritocratic example.
'If you run a meritocracy, then you do not have to worry about jobs for the boys,' she wrote.
'Every woman who is a Conservative MP, every woman who has ever won the leadership, has had to fight to get where she is.
'By contrast, Labour women are demanding guarantees from Burnham. But the truth is he doesn't have to give any guarantees.
'If none of Labour's women are prepared to get their hands dirty and challenge him for the leadership, their demands are toothless.'
'In fact, it's quite revealing that the women's parliamentary Labour Party has written to Burnham asking him to commit himself to at least 50 per cent female ministers.
'This has nothing to do with meritocracy. It is yet more of the failed identity politics that is holding back our country.'
Venezuela Fury and Noah Price subsidising their life by livestreaming
Venezuela Fury and her husband Noah Price look to be making their own way in the world by raking it in from their lucrative social media accounts.
The influencer daughter of Tyson and Paris Fury, 16, has become an internet sensation after tying the knot with her husband Noah, 19, earlier this year.
Since getting married and moving in together the couple have been earning thousands of pounds a month, livestreaming their life as newlyweds in their static caravan in the East Riding of Yorkshire.
And fans can't get enough of their regular life updates on TikTok and Kick, which have proved to be very profitable for the pair.
They look to be supporting themselves after Noah denied that he was given £5million by Venezuela's family as a wedding gift.
Despite his wife's huge family wealth, an estimated combined £160 million, Noah recently told his Kick followers that he 'pays for everything' for the couple.
Making light of the claims about Venezuela's millionaire financial status, Noah said: 'I actually pay for everything unfortunately. You'd expect the millionaire to pay for it wouldn't you.'
Venezuela Fury and Noah Price are earning thousands livestreaming their caravan life - after her new groom insisted he pays all the bills and denied he had £5m handout from her dad
The influencer daughter of Tyson and Paris Fury , 16, has become an internet sensation after tying the knot with her husband Noah, 19, earlier this year
Venezuela then asked their fans: 'Do you think I am a millionaire?'
Noah joked: 'She isn't a secret millionaire guys', before she broke into song and sang: 'But I live like a millionaire!'
But it seems according to estimated calculations from their social media work, Noah and Venezuela can more than afford to support themselves.
Noah has been livestreaming on platforms such as Kick and TikTok, where viewers can send paid gifts or donations.
He was previously encouraging viewers to send gifts on his honeymoon during livestreams, suggesting this is one revenue stream.
Both Noah and Venezuela have built substantial followings on Instagram and TikTok. They can potentially earn money through sponsored posts, brand collaborations, affiliate links and creator payouts.
Kick allows its creators to take home 95 per cent of the £4.99 subscription cost that fans pay.
Streamers keep 100 per cent of direct tips and donations, minus minor standard payment processing fees.
It is unclear how many subscribers Noah currently has because this information is hidden, but he does have 7,200 followers which is publicly viewable.
An industry insider has suggested Noah is making around £400 per video on TikTok, while Venezuela is likely to make £2,000 due to her following count of 1.3 million.
An industry insider has suggested Noah is making around £400 per video on TikTok, while Venezuela is likely to make £2,000 due to her following count of 1.3 million
In one video on their honeymoon, Noah asked his followers if they'd give them some more gifts now that they were married.
In a TikTok live viewed by 20,000 he said: 'Keep liking our videos people, keep sending gifts.'
After saying thank you to several of his followers he joked they should stick around on the livestream and 'watch Venezuela punch me in the mouth'.
The other half of the honeymooning couple said: 'I am, honestly!'
Noah previously confirmed that the pair don't share their finances after they were asked whether they have a shared bank account.
'She earns her money, I earn mine,' said Noah, as Venezuela joked: 'Yeah, what you gonna do about it.'
Noah went on to debunk the rumour that Tyson gave him £5million when he tied the knot with his daughter as he insisted: 'No Tyson did not give me £5million'.
Meanwhile Venezuela is being eyed up by executives for a fly on the wall TV series.
Noah went on to debunk the rumour that Tyson gave him £5million when he tied the knot with his daughter as he insisted: 'No Tyson did not give me £5million'
Boasting 1.3 million TikTok followers, Venezuela is already entertaining fans with her honest musings and candid moments, from cooking to kitting out her and Noah's static caravan home.
And following the success of the Netflix series At Home With The Furys, it is no wonder bosses are wanting to draw on the Fury popularity.
A TV insider said: 'The couple are not A-list celebrities but everyone has become obsessed with their love story.
'People are genuinely intrigued by them. Whether it’s the fact they have married so young, Venezuela’s famous family or their gypsy lifestyle, they have the ‘X factor'.
'Several TV executives think a proper fly-on-the-wall series following their lives as newlyweds in the gypsy community would be fascinating,' they told The Sun.
It is thought Netflix would be likely to produce the series due to their already established relationship with the Furys.
Venezuela's representatives told The Daily Mail: 'We have many offers on the table regarding Venezuela which we are discussing.'
